Notes, debaucheries and a lot of wondering from The Average Fan on the first night of NBA playoff action:
I wonder…
…how many times a game LeBron will make me mutter “Jesus Christ!!!”, “Holy s****”!!! or some variation of that. I will put the over/under for the playoffs at 5.5 and pound the over.
Speaking of pounding:
…why Rose couldn’t get ANY calls from the refs. I mean he was worked like a freakin’ speed bag everytime he drove to the hoop.
While we’re on the refs:
…when the NBA will finally fix their referee issue. Well, at least NBA officials are consistent. Consistently atrorrible (atrocious + horrible = atrorrible or NBA ref). Anytime somebody or something causes a sports blogger to fuse two negative adjectives to describe them or it, you just know it’s bad.
…if this would work: One game (preferably a playoff game, but can be a big regular season game too) without PA announcer, sound effects, music playing in between breaks, thunder sticks and all the other crap. (Excuse my language, but sometimes I just get too worked up about this shit. Whoops.) I mean do we really need “Walk it out” blaring from the speakers when somebody travels!? Do we really need the announcer to tell us when to chant D-E-H-H-F-E-E-E-N-S-S!? The answer is capital N capital O or NO. We are smart enough to know when to get on our feet and when to keep our mouth shut. Wouldn’t that be so much more fun!? This would open the door for a genuinely great and electric atmosphere. Let’s just try it for one game, huh!? Pleeeease!? I know it would work. Oh, well. Moving on.
…how we should call that one player that every opposing fan just despises. Every team has at least one guy like that. The Bulls have Joakim Noah. Cleveland has Anderson Varejao and the Hawks have Zaza Pachulia. The list is endless. The funny thing is that they are the same exact player too: high energy guy, does all the little things and the dirty work. But for some reason we just love to hate them. So we need a name for those guys. I am open for suggestions, but until we have anything better I will call them “the Newman gang” (i.e. Joakim Noah is a member of the Newman gang). We all know, watch and love Seinfeld, but we all hate Newman, only we don’t quite know why. Thus, the “Newman gang”. Try to come up with a better pop culture analogy in 5 minutes. You can’t!
Mick never came...
Speaking of Zaza:
…why Pachulia always looks like he stumbled onto the court after being Manny Paquiao’s sparring partner for three straight hours while not wearing the protective headgear. I always wait for him to scream: “Cut me Mick!!! Cut me!!!”
…what Mike Bibby took. The guy has come back from the dead to make every shot. I was waiting for Ashton Cutcher to jump on the court and tell everybody that they’re on “Pranked” and that it’s just Stephen Curry wearing a Mike Bibby mask. Oddly enough that never happened. Someone make Bibby pee in a cup right now!
…why Scott Skiles let Jennings rot on the bench for what felt like an eternity at the beginning of the fourth quarter. You don’t bench your best player when you are within striking distance of staging a miraculous comeback. I don’t care what he did to you. You just don’t do that.
…why the first two games where so eerily similar. In both cases it seemed like we were heading for a blowout with the underdog slowly creeping up on us as the game wore on, only to never quite get over the hump.
...and neither did Ashton.
…why I haven’t smashed my computer with a two-by-four yet. After half an hour of randomly tinkering with the settings the internet finally works again. My computer, everybody! Where haply internet shortages happen!
…how NASCAR wants to draw more attention to their “sport” with ads like the one in gray and blue. At first I was just confused. Then I thought that it was a “Citi” commercial and in the end I was baffled again. I don’t know if that is the way to go, NASCAR. You might want to work on that ad campaign. Just sayin’.
…how this could ever happen: Here is our beginning of the second quarter lineup for the Celtics -> Big Baby Davis, Shed, Tony Allen, Ray Allen, Michael Finley. -> Time to break out the hip flask, baby!
…where Beasley ranks among the biggest draft busts. He has to be right up there with Marvin Williams, right!?
…how much more desperate the NBA can become with selling the WNBA to us. Basketball is basketball! No, actually the NBA is basketball and the WNBA is a layup drill. Glad we settled that.
…how a C’s team that plays like a 50’s college team managed to be a 4 seed in 2010. They play beneath the rim. They are slow and unathletic with no display of energy or intensity whatsoever. I wouldn’t be surprised if Shed came out of the break sucking on a Marlboro Red.
…if there is any way that Wade doesn’t score 30 a game against the Celts. He is beating them silly right now. I bet he could post a triple-double against them with his right hand tied to his ankle and a millstone around his neck.
…if the Boston medical staff replaced KG’s knees with a combination of high-tech springs and shock absorbers. He sure seems to have his hops back. The first semblance of good news for C’s fans this evening.
…if Hubie Brown ever didn’t like what a coach said during a timeout. Doc Rivers could be arguing the benefits of communism in the huddle and Hubie would like it. Gotta love him.
…what has gotten into Tony Allen. He looks…uhm…what’s the word…cooo…cooommpp..competent…that’s it competent! Dare I say that I like Rivers playing him big minutes tonight!?
…if we are one or two Paul-Pierce-threes away from the roof blowing off the TD Banknorth Garden. Great crowd!
…wonder if the Celtics rigged the rims. We are getting all the rolls tonight. Every Heat shot/layup/dunk attempt is dancing off the iron. Home court advantage, ladies and gentleman!!!
…why Mike Tirico refers to a cloudy day with no trace of sunshine as a “nice day”. I guess he’s right, though. After all we are talking about Denver here. Every day without snow is a victory. Same goes for Austria by the way.
The Average Fan is still wondering how all the C's were able to fit into the DeLorean.
…why it seems like the Celtics are getting involved in a mini-brawl every other day. Stern will make them pay for this one, that’s for sure. The refs will be calling against the Celts all night long on Monday. Mark my words.
…why KG isn’t smart enough to know that getting involved in altercations during the playoffs is just plain stupid/ borderline insane. I love “the Big Ticket” and I am all for some bad blood, but you have to gauge the situation correctly. Not only was he tossed from the game, but he also gift-wrapped free throws for the Heat in a very close game. Plus, you know there is a suspension looming. Oh, Kevin. (shaking my head sadly)
…how the Celtics managed to hop in the DeLorean to pull off a vintage 2008 defensive performance. Finally they showed some life and staged a nice little comeback. Does that mean they’ll go past the second round? Of course not. But at least they put up a fight. That’s all I am asking.
…if it’s a bad sign if my eye starts twitching. My guess is yes. Hence, head meet pillow and reader meet Part 2 coming tomorrow.