paraskevidekatriaphobia = Fear of Friday the 13th
In case you didn’t notice. Yesterday was Friday the 13th. Arguably the only event that is more dreaded than a Jacksonville – Kansas City game (Wait, that game actually happened!? I thought I had just imagined it.)
Now in honor of this greatly feared day, where bad things are supposed to happen and everything allegedly goes wrong. Let’s look back at 13 things that went wrong in the crazy world of the National Football League so far.
(in no particular order)
- The Mangini experiment: Bringing “Mangenius” into the Browns organization was about as good an idea as filling zeppelins with hydrogen.
- My preseason prediction that the Dolphins would suck: Boy oh boy, was I wrong! This team is well-coached, tenacious and above all unpredictable. As my mentor Bill Simmons said: “They might be the best 3-5 team ever.”
- LaDainian Tomlinson’s “comeback” year: He is toast. Done. Finished. It was a great run (literally), but now it’s over. Still, he’ll probably go down as the defining player of this decade.
- My ODS picks for week 8: So far I’m pretty happy with how well my ODS formula is doing, but week 8 was just abysmal. There is no excuse for 6-7. A monkey could’ve made better picks. Actually … maybe I should stop by the pet shop when I’m done here. You know just in case my formula doesn’t pan out.
- Larry Johnson’s tweets: Was this the first time somebody got actually fired because of twitter? If so then congrats, Larry! You finally accomplished something. Sure, you don’t have a job anymore now, but hey, who wouldn’t want to sign a washed-up, offensive and undisciplined runningback!? I bet teams are flooding you with lucrative offers.
- The Jaguars pass rush: Jacksonville has 8 sacks so far. Not per game. Total! Jared Allen of the Vikes has 10.
-Drafting Matt Forte in front of DeAngelo Williams: I have to admit I liked him too. In fact I liked him so much that I was pulling for the third or fourth pick. Of course I didn’t get him and you know what? I’m glad I didn’t. He is murdering fantasy teams all over the world right now. Instead I ended up with Williams and wasn’t thrilled about that at first, but that changed pretty quickly. The lesson as always: Don’t try to get cute when drafting your fantasy team.
-The Jay Cutler trade: Who would’ve thought that Denver would get the better end of this deal!? Including Thursday nights embarrassing 5-pick-performance Cutler has thrown 17 INTs so far. He turned the ball over only 18 times all of last season. By comparison Kyle Orton has only thrown 4 picks so far. Needless to say that every Broncos fan has learned those last stats by heart.
- Green Bay’s O-line: I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that an offensive line that can’t block to save their life and a quarterback that holds on to the ball so long it becomes a living part of his hand isn’t the best combination to win ball games.
- Ray Lewis sticking around for another season: He should’ve just retired. Really, he should’ve. Lewis is at a point now where he is hurting his team more than he is helping them. He’s nothing more than decoration. A name that you see on the roster, then you get scared for a milisecond before you realize that he is not Ray Lewis anymore. Sad but true.
- The Oakland Raiders, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Detroit Lions, Kansa City Chiefs, St. Louis Rams, Washington Redskins and Cleveland Browns (by the way the Browns made this “things that went wrong” list twice – need I say more?): Just look at this list of atrocious teams and you’ll quickly realize why I put them here.
- The Jet’s swagger: A little swagger and confidence is always nice, but you have to know when to stop. It may sound weird, but the Jets have too much swagger. As always: The dose makes the poison.
- Any Reid’s clock (miss-)managment: As I said in last weeks post (http://www.thefansperspective.com/2009/11/07/midseason-reassessment/): The only two things that are holding the Eagles back are their coach and their mental toughness. Right now they can only fix one of those two problems.
Alright, there you go. 13 things that went wrong this season. Rest assured that at least 13 more will go wrong when all is said and done. Now to wrap things up, here are the ODS picks (home teams in caps, ODS numbers in parentheses):
Atlanta (6,441090486) over CAROLINA (4,712787213)
New England (12,80764502) over INDIANAPOLIS (11,49066698)
ARIZONA (7,073719355) over Seattle (5,304392765)
Dallas (8,294617254) over GREEN BAY (7,766607748)
MIAMI (6,137211824) over Tampa Bay (2,363421742)
MINNESOTA (5,96543517) over Detroit (2,575842845)
NEW YORK JETS (8,816439067) over Jacksonville (3,552164427)
TENNESSEE (3,465780931) over Buffalo (2,673525328)
PITTSBURGH (10,03292495) over Cincinnati (8,095238095)
Kansas City (2,242781806) over OAKLAND (1,345862783)
New Orleans (10,83411861) over ST. LOUIS (1,431457886)
Philadelphia (7,42558786) over SAN DIEGO (6,02254852)
Denver (8,591839084) over WASHINTON (2,800914951)
Baltimore (9,466025333) over CLEVELAND (1,344741739)
Last week:8-5
Overall:43-24
One last note: The promised surprise will follow on Sunday where I’ll try to do a live running diary (those of you who are familiar with the Sports Guy’s work know what I’m talking about) of the Pats-Colts game. It will be like twitter meets blog, so tune in for that.