In my last post I talked extensively about fantasy football with all its perks and twists and now that the 2009 NFL season is just around the corner it is time for a mega countdown of all the 32 teams. I’ll be looking at their off-season moves, their ceiling and what’s in store for them. Going from fantasy football to the NFL is like going from Pamela Anderson to Scarlett Johansson. In both cases the first one is fake and easier to do than the latter (thank you, thank you very much, I’ll be here all night long!).
Anyway, I’ll be going over 4 teams a day going from worst to first, which means one post a day (EDITORIAL NOTE: The one post a day thing didn’t work out because of wrong time management on my part, but no need to panic I will still cover all 32 teams on time) until the Opening Kickoff game on Thursday (You’re damn right I did the math!). Feel free to use this countdown as a gambling guide as long as you pay me royalties. Alright, let’s get crack’n!
32. Oakland Raiders
This team shouldn’t even be eligible to play in the NFL, because it’s a joke. Seriously, Al try your luck in the CFL and let some other city have a franchise (like Oklahoma City for instance, people there really care about football and they just got a basketball team that is doing fine so why the heck not?) or even better just sell the team to somebody who still is at least remotely sane and not in danger of tripping over his own diapers. (By the way, I always imagine Al Davis being like Mr. Burns in the episode where he goes crazy and starts walking around with his feet in tissue boxes or the one where you see what procedures Mr. Burns has to undergo to stay alive with the eye drops and all the injections. The more I think about it Al Davis might be the real-life Mr. Burns.)
On the field it has been the same old misery for the once- upon- a -time majestic franchise since their superbowl appearance in 2002: no franchise QB, no Defense, no blue-chip players and no heart. If you ask me those are a lot of noes and I probably left out about 27 more. They blew the draft by taking Heyward-Bay waaaaaaaay to early. I mean they took him so early that Mel Kiper Jr. just got done with his first layer of hair gel. They have an overweight and unexperienced QB with no apparent leadership skills under center. Their only two bright spots on offense are RB Darren McFadden (who I have not written of yet) and TE Zach Miller (a possible fantasy diamond in the rough). Their defense is a mess with the exception of CB phenomenon Nnamdi Asomugha and they even traded one of their premier pass rushers in Derrick Burgess to the Patriots (which of course delights me). The only silver lining on the mostly cloudy horizont is that the Raiders play in the AFC West, but don’t expect much Raider Nation. Actually expect nothing.
31. Detroit Lions
After a historical bad season last year there is no way but to go up for the Lions. Especially on offense things might be looking up sooner than you’d think. They still have arguably the most exciting WR in the game in Calvin Johnson entering his third season (I mean the guy had over 1300 yards receiving and 12 TDs when freakin’ Dan “I don’t no where the endzone ends” Orlovsky threw him the ball). They drafted first-round stud TE Brandon Pettigrew who’ll provide another great target for either veteran Daunte Culpepper or much-vaunted rookie Matthew Stafford whose arm is more like an anti-aircraft gun. In my humble opinion I think it’d be best if the Lions just throw Stafford in at the deep end because A) that’s the only way fans will get legitimately excitied about this season (and really Lions fans deserve to be excited about something again) and B) last year proved that letting a rookie QB start right away might not always be such a bad thing to do (even if I think that last year was the exception to the rule). As far as the ground attack is concerend the Lions are still counting on RB Kevin Smith who already put up stellar numbers as a rookie last year and only got overlooked because of all the other great rookie RBs in 2008.
Defensively the Lions tried to shake things up by acquiring LB Julian Peterson from the Seattle Seahawks in the off-season. The five time Pro Bowler should be able to blend right into a surprisingly veteran unit.
Rest assured Detroit there won’t be another 0-16 season, but playing in a extremely competitive NFC North the Lions are still pretty much locked in for last place in the division.
30. Kansas City
I said it in my fantasy frenzy post and I’ll say it again here: Matt Cassel will not, I repeat NOT, have the kind of season he had last year. And since we all know that QB is the key position to success in the NFL I don’t see the Chiefs going anywhere. Sure they upgraded from Herm Edwards to Todd Haley, which could translate to maybe 3-4 more wins at the most, but ultimately it is still the players that have to win on the field. (Little sidenote on Haley: I think he is being overvalued by most people, because this Kansas City team doesn’t have nearly the talent or firepower that last years Cardinals had. So please Chiefs fans don’t expect Haley to be the savior and turn the ship around in just one season.Be patient.)
And what was up with that Gonzalez trade?! Yeah I’m talking to you, Pioli! C’mon you’re better than that. A HOF TE was exactly what Cassel needed. Now where does he throw to on 3rd and 9? Sean Ryan? (Gimme a break!) Brad Cottam? (Who?) Cassel doesn’t have that reliable checkdown, go-to target anymore that he had in New England last year. Believe me, I watched him the whole year last year and he NEEDS that guy. But maybe all this will be irrelevant anyway if Cassel who suffered a leg injury in a preseason game can’t be back at full force any time soon. Then it’s back to either Croyle or Thigpen and that thought would scare the crap out of me if I was a Chiefs fan.
The rest of K.C.’s offense looks mediocre at best. Dwayne Bowe couldn’t live up to his first-round status just yet, but there is still time to grow and he did have over a 1000 yards receiving last year. The Chiefs aquired veteran wideout Bobby Engram this year who could prove to be valuable to the team just two years removed from hauling in passes for a total of 1147 yards. And Larry Johnson, well, is still Larry Johnson and that my friends is not a good thing.
On the defensive side of the ball they acquired veteran and one of my favorite Pats, Mike Vrabel, who’ll provide some leadership to this group. K.C. will have two young CBs in Flowers and Carr starting and it reamins to be seen if they can handle wideouts like Brandon Marshall and Andre Johnson. Of course the Chiefs still have New England’s public enemy NR. 1 (at least as long as football is concerned) Bernard Pollard who rolled over the Pats season last year, literally and figuratively. It’ll also be intersting to see if Glenn Dorsey will be able to raise his game after a rather dissapointing rookie campaign.
All in all the Chiefs should be a sub .500 team once again, but hey, at least you have the continuity part down K.C. Now the only thing that’s missing are the Ws.
29. Miami Dolphins
I know what you’ll be saying “Wait, didn’t they make the playoffs last year? How can they be that far down the list!?”. Well, here is how that playoff run was able to happen last year:
- They had one of the easier schedules in the NFL (the 10th easiest to be exact).
- They didn’t have to compete against Tom Brady and they had the fortune to get to play against Favre twice.
- They were able to throw people of with the Wildcat formation, which quite frankly won’t happen again this year (Like I said before people are catching on to that kind of stuff quicker than you’d think).
This year should be a different story. They have the toughest schedule, they’ll have to play against Brady again (Woohhhooo!) and the Wildcat won’t work as good as it did last year. One last thing on the wildcat formation: In my opinion the Dolphins did a great job drafting Pat White. He is absolutely perfect for the wildcat. Other than Michael Vick can you imagine any other QB being better equipped for that role. I know I can’t.
On offense not much has changed for the ‘Fins. Pennington is still under center and will limit mistakes to a minimum. Ted Ginn Jr. is still a better special temas player than WR and I still don’t like Ronnie Brown. I just don’t think he is any good. Consider this: In his four years in the NFL Brown has exceeded a 1000 yards rushing only once and he also had double-digit TDs (10) only once in those four years. Now you want to tell me he was worthy of the second overall pick in 2005?! Child please!!! ( copyright by Chad Ochocinco)
As far as the defense is concerned the Dolphins should be a sound unit. I like their LB Channing Crowder who is a tackling machine even though he looks like a black conquistador on this picture: http://www.miamidolphins.com/newsite/team/roster/playerBio.asp?docid=18150 Other than that nothing to really get excited about which probably sums up the Dolphins upcoming season the best.
**TO BE CONTINUED**
Tags: Detroit Lions, football, Kansas City Chiefs, Miami Dolphins, NFL, Oakland Raiders
dolphins rule